My in-laws are wise and sensible people. They only enjoy ice that comes in a glass. So, naturally, they will soon be headed back to Florida for the winter.

These days, Eugene Bailey, 17, is afraid to go outside even on the brightest mornings and has trouble sleeping through the most silent night.

Daddy is hurting Mommy. He has his big hands wrapped around Mommy's little neck. She's turning red. No, it's more like purple.

Next year, to avoid the uproar and ridicule they've kicked up recently, the folks on the Nobel Peace Prize committee in Norway should create a separate category for sitting presidents and other heads of state who simultaneously talk peace and wage war.